Wednesday, December 27, 2006

From the past

This post is from a previous blog that got lost online someplace. It was there, but the only way I could get to it was as a visitor... and I decided I didn't want to visit anymore. So here it is, or at least part of it.

Seems to me, this blog business is strange. At one time, a website was a website, and some let you add comments, and others didn't. And once upon a time, a diary, or a journal, or a scratch pad was where you spilled your guts. Now, people do it in public. Almost seems indecent. No one has private thoughts anymore. Well, I do. And I'm keeping them private. Here, I'm only going to share the stuff I wouldn't put in my diary. After all, I just think no one wants to know EVERYTHING about anyone, even if they're married. If you know everything already, what else is there? Nothing more to learn. Nothing more to know. You know it all. I think that would be boring.

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So you don't get to know all about me. I'll share some stuff, but mostly this isn't about getting up close and personal. It's about stuff. Just stuff. Funny stuff. Angry stuff. Stupid stuff. Maybe my Angry stuff is your Funny stuff. Maybe you dont' think my stupid stuff is stupid. That's fine. I don't care.

I don't even care if people read this. If they do, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine too. If they don't read it, they don't get to comment. I don't know if I'm going to allow comments anyway. It's my "blog" anyway. My choice.

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Sometimes, I just think people have given up trying to be real. They tell you they want to be an individual, but they were BORN an individual. From that point on, no one is satisfied. I mean, really, let's look at that. Babies. Everyone thinks babies are cute. And as they grow up, and learn to smile, walk, and talk, we all think they're adorable. As soon as they start expressing opinions that diverge from our own, we stop liking them. But everyone wants to be liked, right? And this divergence continues, and gets worse, as kids grow up, so that by the time they hit teenage years, they have this idea that who THEY are has to sound different and look different and behave different because otherwise they won't be an individual. Has anyone ever looked up that word? I think you should. It doesn't have much to do with how you sound, or look or behave, really. But maybe instead, you should just try behaving the way you really ARE, like you do when you're alone in your room, before you put on your "I hate anyone who doesn't agree with me" face. You know, when your parents aren't home and you're stuck watching boring television and you laugh at the stupid jokes on that dumb program your parents watch? Yeah, like that. Or before you put makeup on... what would happen if you didn't? Someone might see those pimples, right? Like they never had any??? Come on, get real. What if everyone just put on the ordinary face?

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Sex. The whole world seems to be stuck in this "We must have sex. More sex. Better sex. Hot sex. Acrobatic sex." What if you didn't? Would it hurt? No. Guys are stuck in this rut of 'every guy NEEDS sex, or ..." what? Will it fall off? Rot? Forget how? Can you hear me giggling?

Let's get real. We are more intelligent than animals, right? We'd like to think so, anyway. The purpose of sex is procreation. No, this isn't a political thing. It's just a statement. The fact that we get pleasure from it is nice. If you did it all the time (like guys seem to want girls to think it's necessary), it woudln't be special anymore. It would be ordinary. Sure, the guys tell you that YOU are the special one, right? And after you do it a gabillion times, or 5 or 6 or 20 anyway, don't you think he'd get bored? How many tricks do you really know? Okay, I don't want to know that. I just want you to think. What would happen if you didn't have sex THIS time? Would you die? Really? Would it fall off? REALLY?!?!?! I want to see that. Really.

It's boring sometimes. Same old stuff. Same person. Same talk (or lack of) afterward. Snoring. Bad breath. Sheet wrinkles. Mascara marks. And pimples. You do all that stuff, and your hair is messed up and your makeup rubs off and the whole world (or that one special person) can see the real you. And they may not care, but what if they do? What if they don't come back? You would have given it away to a jerk/jerkette. And they WILL talk. You know they will. So would you, right? Be honest.

What if you didn't do it? It would still be there tomorrow. I promise.

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Cell phones. Did you ever see one of those choke chains they have for dogs? It's a long chain with rings on both ends, and the leash clips to one of the rings, and when you pull the leash, it tightens around the dog's neck and the dog stops everything just to do what you want. That's what your cell phone does. And you allow it. You never get to do what YOU want, when YOU want, without having to be ready for that choke chain to yank you back...
I'm all for having a cell phone available. I'm NOT about to turn it on until I need it. And there are times when no one can reach me. Anyone who can't deal with that needs to get a life. I don't want to talk on a phone when I'm eating. And I really don't want to talk to anyone on the phone when THEY are eating. I can hear them swallow and chew and I don't like that. People probably don't tell you that. They can hear it.

Grocery store conversations and restaurant conversations. Those cell phones keep you connected, right? So you can keep in touch with everyone, all the time. This means you're popular, right? So if you aren't on the cell phone, you aren't popular, right? No one likes you? Well, actually, when YOU are chatting on the phone in a store or restaurant, I'm listening to the whole conversation. I'm hearing your side. Sometimes I hear the other side, if you're talking to someone who's loud. And I'm thinking about what you're saying. I'm thinking that you're almost having phone sex in a public place, and that's not popular. I'm thinking that whoever called you doesn't want you to have any free time, and they control you.

Choke chain. If you made the call, you yanked the chain. Are you a controller? Or are you so insecure that you don't think they'd call YOU? Or maybe, if they didn't talk to you for a while, what then? Would they choose someone else? I bet, while you're going to the bathroom, you're on the phone. But when you're sleeping, are they still faithful? Or are they switching friends? If they can wait six or eight hours until you wake up, don't you think they could wait half an hour until you're done eating? Will they get upset if you don't answer the phone?

I saw a young woman the other night, her cell phone was on the table at the restaurant and she was talking to two friends. The discussion was discreet, something about tattoos or piercings or something, involving home medical care that would heal it in a couple weeks. I dont' want to know any more than that. And then, in the middle of the conversation, her phone sounded off... the conversation stopped dead... she poked a finger at it quickly, the noise stopped, and the conversation continued. THAT was nice. No call. She just calmly said, "I'll call him back after we're done." and that was it.

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I work for a privately owned company. This has its good points and bad ones. On the good side, they pay almost all the medical insurance, and it's a reasonable policy. We can pick from PPO and HMO, based on our own personal criteria. That's fine. I'm basically healthy anyway, so I picked the cheap one. They have almost enough holiday days, so that's okay too. They're reasonably tolerant of people coming in late once in awhile, and usually you can make up the time at the other end of the day. That's cool. I rarely go in late since I'm a morning person, but there are days when moving is slow and there are also days when I end up staying later anyway.

The vacation time is borderline okay. Not enough for me to be happy, but that's because they don't have personal time or sick leave so I use mine mostly for appointments.

It's a small company, and I know everyone's name - first and last - and speak to most of them occasionally. Hard to miss them in a small company. Everyone is on a first name basis, from the shipping clerk to the president of the company. There are 4 women and about 30 men - most are in their 40's or older. Most are married, or have been married, and most have kids. With the employees being mostly male, conversations can get graphic. Mostly I choose to just ignore those, or avoid them altogether. I'm not male, and not comfortable with graphic jokes, discussions, or incidental remarks. They all know that now.

The management are all related to the two original owners. Hell, one of them IS an original owner, but only because he won't retire. Some of the other employees are also related to the original owners. They're big on family. They all hope to be management someday. I hope I'm gone by then...

The problem with working for a family-owned company is that once they start doing things a certain way, they don't like to change. Think of your grandmother's housekeeping schedule. Seriously. Monday was washday. Tuesday was ironing... and on it went. Grocery shopping was done on Saturday. Sunday was church. As my grandmother puts it, everywhere you went on a Monday, everyone had laundry hanging out on a line, drying in the sun. That's what goes on where I work. They do the same things, the same way, every day. There are ways to do things faster, or more efficiently - and I've managed to help in that regard a couple times, but when it comes to changing the base methods, the foot comes down. No. It works this way. Not well, but it does work. So I've had to change my theory about why I go to work. It takes me longer to do things their way, so I get more hours.

We have to grovel for a raise. Every time, the answer is, "We don't have the money right now." This answer goes over well, especially when the top two guys go to Hawaii for two weeks, twice a year, or Virginia Beach, or Florida. Goes over especially well when we're expected to admire the Corvettes they drive, or the pictures of all the theater shows they've been to. But there is a positive side. They're gone quite often to the golf course.

Those who are "family" come in late, or choose to 'work from home' - no one hears from them. One guy called in from home one time and said he was choosing to work in his underwear that day. I told him it was a good thing he was working at home, because we would laugh at that sight. I would have!

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Overdrafts. Did you ever overdraw your checking account? Bounce a check? Use the debit card one too many times? This christmas, I did. The way it happened, I should have only overdrawn one item. However, because of the way the bank sucks those amounts in, starting with the largest, I ended up with $231 in overdraft fees. If they had started with the smallest, or even in the order they amounts had been used, it would only have cost me $33. I told them that. They kindly explained that it was their policy because if I had a rent payment or a car payment, it might not have 'made the cut' so they did it for my protection. We battled this out for a while, and they agreed that if they did it the other way I would be able to keep most of my current deposit. Their solution was to split the overdraft fees with me. I took that. I did it because I was tired of fighting. I was wrong to spend too much money in the first place, even though I didn't realize I was doing it - I simply forgot about the insurance payment that was automatically deducted. THAT was the reason I ran out of money. So we'll split the $231, and I'll live cheaply for the next couple weeks.

In my next life, I'm going to be rich. Or taller. Or thinner. I'd rather be rich.

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